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Writer's pictureEmma Chadwick

Post 5 - My Rage

2nd July 2024


My period came 5 days early with all the symptoms of my previous one.  On one hand I was glad because I was going away in 6 days so at least most of it will be over by then.  On the other hand I was totally caught off guard.


I will keep this one short as the last one was long.


My stand out symptom this month was my irritability and the rage I feel.


I never lose my temper.  I didn’t even know I had one. I think the last time I lost my temper was about 10 years ago, it was at my husband, I can’t remember what it was about but I remember throwing a pile of washing at his head.  He must have really pissed me off for this to happen.


These days I feel like I am going to lose it ALL THE TIME.


My husband (will refer to him as Chaddy moving forward as saying my husband all the time is annoying me) asked me if I wanted a cup of tea, I said yes please, then he asked which cup I wanted it in.  I felt so irritated by this question.  In my head it was such a stupid question.  In my usual cup of course, why would he even ask?  I snapped back at him and he looked sad.  I immediately felt bad and knew I was being a total bitch. He just wanted to make me a cup of tea.

That same night we were in bed, I was reading and he was breathing really heavy.  How annoying!  How dare he breath so loud!  I had to really bite my lip not to say anything as I knew I was being totally irrational.


Then there is Hanna.  Nearly 13, full of sass and cocky comments which I usually let go over my head.  She is always in my stuff.  Stealing my clothes mainly but she is always in my make up bag.  I usually find it cute.  Not today.  I have a new bare minerals powder and of course, she wants to open it.  I say, please be careful with that, I don’t want to going everywhere.  What do you think happens!!!  It goes everywhere and I see red.  I mean, I lost my temper.  I screamed at her.  Poor kid, you should have seen her face.  It’s very out of character for me so she knew she had crossed the line.  I didn’t feel bad for at least half an hour where I would usually feel bad immediately.  Once I calmed down I spend the night hugging her and saying sorry and wondering if I am one of those emotional abusive parents.


It was only my dog that didn’t feel my rath that day, mainly because he looks like a big bear.


I know it will pass but it’s happening so much more lately.


Emma x

 

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